BY NICK SAVOY

 

1. “I’m not having sex with you”

Translation: I’ll come home with you, but I don’t want to feel easy, make you think I’m easy, or commit in advance to sex if I’m not feeling it.

If you take a woman home after a date or for a one-night stand, there may well come a point at which she tells you flat-out that you and she won’t be having sex that night. Yet, sex often happens anyway.

Usually when a woman says she doesn’t want to have sex, it’s because she doesn’t want to feel (or be perceived as) easy, and she wants to make sure you’ll be cool if sex doesn’t happen.  If you discuss this with her, you’ll only reinforce that position. So don’t respond, or change the subject.

Obviously, no always means no. But that doesn’t mean she won’t change her tune when you get home, as long as she feels safe, comfortable, and turned on…

2. “Sure, let’s go out next Friday. Text me then to confirm.”

Translation: OK, you’re reserving next Friday for me. When next Friday rolls around, I’ll decide if that’s what I want to do. I’ll be considering other plans in the meantime.  

This hidden meaning sounds harsh, but it’s true in many cases, especially the younger and more socially in-demand a woman is. The “text me to confirm” is a clear indicator that you do not actually have plans.

Most of the time, you shouldn’t be trying to make plans (especially for first or second dates) more than a day or so in advance. Making first-date plans a week in advance might feel “weird” to many women, and with that kind of lead time, there’s a huge risk of her flaking on you.

3. “I wish my boyfriend were more like you.”

Translation: I have a boyfriend who frustrates me sometimes. When he does, I come to you for emotional support. You’re non-threatening. I like that you’re always there for me and at these moments I wish my boyfriend was the same way. But there’s a reason I’m with him and not you, and if he was as “nice” as you, I’d probably leave him.

That’s a mouthful of a hidden meaning for an eight-word compliment. But I’ve had literally dozens of clients over the years who tried to convince me that they were finally getting close when the object of their desire said something like this.

If she really wants you, or wants to leave her boyfriend for you, she’ll give you a lot more hints than just this. Women generally want a man who is (the right amount of) a challenge.  Challenging men might frustrate her from time to time, but most woman would prefer a man who takes her on an emotional journey with peaks and valleys to a man who flatlines and does whatever she asks.

4. “Do you think she’s pretty?”

Translation: I’d like some reassurance that you find me sexy. I’m pointing out an attractive woman – probably someone who doesn’t look like me, possibly someone who has features I’m jealous of – in hopes that you will reassure me.

Don’t be exasperated if your girlfriend wants reassurance that you find her attractive. For all the progress we’ve made, women are still bombarded with messages, from birth, associating their value with their attractiveness and sexuality. It’s natural to want some reassurance now and then, even if it “should be” obvious that you’re into her.

The best way to answer this question is to keep things honest and realistic, but to focus on her. One possible answer might be [if honestly felt]: “She’s attractive. Not in the sense of making me want to be with her, but more like a nice piece of furniture in a window. But what she and other women are missing – and what you have – is that you’re not just beautiful, but you have this amazing energy about you that is so insanely attractive. That’s what really gets me going.”

 

 

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